I was born loving women
Fresh into the world
I loved my mother, a woman
Who despite having a son,
That bore a name with the weight of two generations
Carried me well
I loved my sisters the way that brothers do
Tried to protect them
While they took care of me, taught me how to be a man
I practiced kissing in hidden rendezvous with their Barbies
Loved daycare directors who sat me on their laps
And let me rub their stockinged legs
Had the after school girls push me on swingsets
I was a hazel eyed devil full of charm
In elementary school I learned to love secretly
Because girls were supposed to be gross
In middle school I broke a girl’s heart,
Because I was afraid to love women taller than I was
That was the last time I made that mistake
High school welcomed me with Catholic girl kisses,
Secret crushes, and my first attempts at poetry
Somewhere along the way I placed girls on pedestals
Lost track of the words I wanted to say
Unless I set them to ink, caged between blue lines on notebook paper
I got nothing from it but choked up on words,
Women who wanted down, so they would have the ground
To walk away from me
As I’ve grown older, my courage has retreated further
And I am left wondering,
Will any woman love me?
